It happens: you try to be seductive and end up looking silly, or you want to try something new and it ends up going hilariously bad. Sometime it’s best to just explain it away or ignore it, but most of the times you can just laugh at it. These are a collection of both funny and freaky sex stories from UTSC Confessions.


“Well, like one time I was going down on my boyfriend and I threw up a little. I didn’t want to, like, freak him out so I quickly swallowed it but then he stopped and seemed confused and I realized that he thought he came. Now, I wasn’t going to tell him I threw up so I just told him sometimes that happens when someone is really into it. To this day, I really do think that he believes it.” – D


“One morning, my girlfriend at the time and I were on the subway going to her house and it was empty on the train. I really can’t remember why or who had decided to initiate it but she ended up fingering me. It was fine until the train operator leaves that place where they are hidden on the train and tells us that he needs the seat we’re using. I was so nervous that I jumped up really fast and ended up falling down, skirt flying over my head, bare as the day I was born.” – R


“My boyfriend and I were doing it doggy style and he accidentally put it in the wrong hole. For a split second, it hurt so bad that I screamed and he thought that I had come, so he came. At that point, I was just not in the mood so I threw up, partially from the pain but also cause he was in my butt. It was just a mess. Not only that but I couldn’t keep in my farts for a week.” – L


“Well, recently, I was at a friend’s house party. Now, keep in mind my friend is such a bro. Like those guys that live at the gym and carry around protein powder. The nicest bro but a bro nonetheless and obviously he has a lot of bro friends – not the type that you would think are the most sexually adventurous. So with this in mind, I’m at the party having a good time and then I start talking to this guy and he’s cute and long story short we went to a room to make out. Keep in mind I had a bottle of wine. I think it was Girls’ Night Out in my hand because I didn’t want anyone to drink my wine. Anyway, we are making out and I guess the wine bottle, like, grazed his butt and he asked me to do it again. During this whole thing I’m thinking, ‘Well, this is interesting’ but then he asks me to put it in. I’m thinking, ‘Put it in where?’ I did not sign up for this but I’m also weirdly into it, so I try to lube it up as best as possible and then I proceeded to put it in his butt. Afterwards we kind of laughed about it and shook hands and I left. The only thing I really regret is not finishing the wine before.” – C                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   


“I can think of two really good ones. My ex and I were in the middle of having sex and his tempo starts to slow down which I think is really weird. Not unpleasant, but weird. Until he just stops and then all of a sudden I hear this chime and look down to see that he is actually texting on his phone. Who does that? But that is probably why he is my ex. My new boyfriend and I were also in the middle of sex and he just stops, still hard inside me and starts asking me about our future, the number of kids we are going to have, where he wants to live, whether or not him or I should stay home with the kids, and it’s so sweet but I really just wanted to finish.”- E


“My boyfriend Nick had not come out yet so his family just thought I was his best friend. When I would come over, we would have no physical contact at all but one day his parents were going to be away for a while so we thought it would be the perfect opportunity to be intimate. He was going down on me and I thought I heard something, like a car in the driveway, but it was four o’clock in the afternoon and his parents were not supposed to be home until 11 that night. I ignore it but then his dad swings open the door to tell him that they’re home. I freak out and accidently come in my boyfriend’s face. He stands up and we’re all silent for what feels like forever, and his dad just closes the door and we hear him laughing and saying, ‘Sharon, you were right. Nick is the bottom one!” – W